Listening to others

To be a good listener, you have to genuinely care about the other person.

The other person will want to talk because you genuinely care about them, empathize and sympathize. it may take a while for them to break down their wall, but they eventually will, because they can see you genuinely care and are interested.

You are genuinely upset if they have had a bad experience, or are in a bad way and so on.

Because of this they will be able to see your reaction to what you are saying, as you are experiencing what they are telling you.

As a result you don’t need to say much, they can see everything from your reaction.

This means they can see what is going on and what they need to do, because they can see it from how you are experiencing it.

People will be willing to talk because you genuinely care and are interested in them. Their thoughts, feelings and how they are.


Diffusing an aggressive situation

To diffuse a person who is being aggressive, need to do the following.

If you are like these things, it will affect the other person.

By you being a certain way, it affects others.

•Act in reasonable way so they feel that, are effected by it and do the same.
•Have a relaxed, easy going and tolerant manner, like everything is fine and nothing to worry about.
•Remain calm

Listen to what they have to say. This is so they do not have to fight to be heard, you can empathise, be sympathetic and compassionate to their situation.

As you are on their side they will appreciate that. You are doing all you can for them.
Give them attention and so look them in the eye.

Be reasonable and say reasonable things.

This means that both parties do all they can to do the best.

By morality being there, people are influenced by it and do the best. By you being moral, it influences and effects others.

However angry and frustrated you are, must not act from that. Need to act from love and giving to others. That is what other people want and to receive, not your frustrations.

A temper is a luxury cannot afford. You are the one that calmly goes in there, points out that both sides want an agreement as they both have things can gain by getting from the other side. War will mean both sides get hurt.

They may be angry with the previous person they were talking to. By talking with you they can start again, there is no loss of pride from backing down as their argument was with a different person.

How to write

I believe it is important to:

•write from the heart
•be very honest and confess about what you are, have been through and have done
▪open up

That is where the real reality, emotion and energy is.

That will get past any fakeness and will touch prople.  It means there is something there, with real life and not just an empty ego nothingness. A more rounded and interesting person.

It means a person has to be okay to be vulnerable and willing to reveal their flaws.

It does not matter if people see the person in tears, what matters is the truth.


A piece of writing is only authentic and real when it is written from a person’s own experiences; otherwise it is just a theory.

This is why a person does best with their writings, when they stick to their own field and areas, that they have experienced in their life themselves.

Social skills (basics)

Focus on other people’s needs.

The first thing with social skills is to focus on the needs, welfare and wants of other people.

This means you can realise and be aware of what other people want and provide it.

If a person is just thinking about themselves and what they get, they will be in their own ego, just on themselves and oblivious to what other people want. As a result they will not get results.

In fact with this selfishness it can only happen that the person displays what they themselves want and so will repel others.


People are social animals, they like to be with other people.

This means that they want to be with other people on a physical, psychological, spiritual and divine level.

They are happy with other people.
Sad with other people.
Party with other people.

Doing something with others makes something bigger.

To achieve this needs a person to empathise with others.

If things are going well for you, people want to be part of what you are having

If you are happy, well and things are going well for you then people would like to be part of what you are having.

So if you are a person who is happy, things are going well for you and are having fun. People want to be part of that.

People will be drawn to you and want to be part of your life.

Social skills (voice)

Attacking is hard, firm, loud.

Friend is soft, gentle, quiet, yielding.

A friendly voice:

Quiet so speak the lowest can, but still easily heard.

Each note and tone starts and ends softly, so does not suddenly start, volume increases and decreases slowly.

High pitch as this has a shorter wavelength so is softer.

An attacking voice

Loud, this really forces the voice on the person, it is forcing yourself on the person, they have to conform.  It is also painful as so loud.

Each note and tone starts and ends sharply, so does suddenly starts, volume increases and decreases fast.  This makes each note harsher and harder.

Low pitch as this has a longer wavelength so is harder.


People will be attracted by a soft voice and be repelled with a harsh one.

These of course need to be done with other factors, such as a man still needs to sound masculine etc.

Being intelligent

Many celebrities pretend to be ‘nice but stupid’ when they are actually highly intelligent.  This is because most people are scarred, jealous of highly intelligent people.  People also like to feel superior to other people and with intelligent people they feel inferior?

Evil people also want to get on top, squash anyone else who can work out their evil plans and anyone who can out compete them.

So best to be highly intelligent, but sometimes best to cover it up.

However moral people want other people to be aa intelligent as possible, even more intelligent than they are. This is best for the wider world that the moral person realises they are part of.

Also intelligent people find stupid people un interesting. So although the comedian, fool has their place to entertain people, people do not want to be friendly with such people and failures.

Looking good


A man needs to be physically and  psychologically strong to look good.  A man is about strength and force, so of they are not strong they cannot be a good specimen of what they are.

Other things

Self love and not self loathing.  Self love comes from loving God and so doing good, as a result there is a lot to love.


Low stress, as stress causes a person to look terrible. For example as the body cannot maintain itself with all the stress, the person’s skin colour and all kinds of things go down.  Stress is also damaging for the body which also makes a person look bad.

Stress makes things look terrible, for example:

  • muscles taught, 
  • jolty and shakey movements
  • bad facial expressions
  • bad posture
  • etc.

So to look good in a photo and at other times, need to make sure are not stressed.


By loving God and others a person serves God and others. So a person is creating light on others and so shines.

Their skin becomes soft, light and they look great.

If a person does not love others and just thinks about themselves. They are just darkness that sucks in dark and so is the opposite of shining.  They become dark, hard and dead.

A face where there is a look of love for others has, a smile where the sides of the mouth are higher up, eyes open, top of the eyelids higher up. The muscles in the face are soft and gentle.

Love of course is attractive, so the person looks attractive.


If a person has energy it shines out and looks great.

Also on a physical level as a person’s body is full of energy their posture will be standing upwards, muscles soft, skin colour good, facial expressions good etc. When a person has loads of energy.

Big smiles

A big smile says that the person is happy. Happiness is not the same as love for others.

A huge smile can distort the face so the person looks less attractive. So a gentle smile full of love looks best.

A good smile is about the height at the sides of the mouth. Even a tiny move up or down at the sides makes a huge difference.

For a friendly face never lift up the top centre of the lip by itself on purpose, unless want to be aggressive and hateful as that is showing the sharp incisors which means a fight.

Must mean a smile, or whatever you do will have a dull thud of being feke.

Taking time and space that need

A person may appear weak and meagre, if when they are doing things, they do not take the space and time they need. 

This can be seen as not taking the territory they need.

Personal space:

To appear confident and established,  your body must take up and use the space it needs   Vertical space from sitting upright, horizontal space for your hands to reach out and be.

Time to do things:

A person also needs to take the time they need, such as taking the time they need to speak properly, getting the emotional, feeling, thought and spiritual aspect of what they are saying out in it’s best way.

Some people may speak too fast, as they do not take the time needed to get their point out properly and at ease.  This can be because they think others during that time will get and take the time from them, such as by interrupting them etc.  

It makes them look weak and meagre because they are:
•worried that other people would do this this
•they have not spoken effectively because they have not had the time to do so.

Be relaxed

A person looks good when they are relaxed so:
●Their muscles are soft
●The inner them and their character can come out
●They are not using up their energy so it can come out

A person’s muscles go to tight when they are scarred, so it is caused by fear. This is also because the person is defending themselves and so getting tougher.

Straight posture so high up

This is so can look the highest and best that can be. If are lower means are less good.

A sense of beauty

People look like they are psychologically.

A person who is evil will look nasty and evil.

A person who is good will look benevolent and nice.

Their actual nature effects their posture, voice, voice tone, how they speak, move, look, etc.

It will also affect how they look physically, bone structure etc. They grow into what they are.

A person that looks good tends to have a sense of beauty. They are aware of the energy of beauty and what it is in the universe.

This influences them. However to be beautiful they have to have a sense of this and how it is nice for others. So they are beautiful so others have something nice to look at.

It is not about having and getting beauty for themselves, as that is ugly.

Being good and not evil

If you have good thoughts, it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. (Roald Dahl)  So when someone takes a picture of you, have thoughts of doing good.
It has a good effect on the higher parts of your spirit, psyche and so also effects you physically.  That also in your expression, muscles, skin tone etc.

In the long term being good also effects a person physically.   A person has to be good genuinely, it cannot be feked.

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Roald Dahl, from his book The Twits.

Ultimately good is good looking and evil is bad looking.   Being evil is horrible and destructive so makes a person look worse and worse

Feeling insecure around people

Peter O’Toole said on the threatre “Acting is just being a man. Being human. Not forcing it. Some make it their entire life. Big mistake. Laurence Olivier fell into that category. He was a tiny, strange, vain f—er.”

I take that to mean that around people one must just be a man (or a lady if you are a lady), be human and not force it.

People who make their careers their entire life do it as they are small, strange and vein people.

That could also be interpreted as ‘be true to yourself and do not force it’

People who are insecure often put on an act, joke excessively and all kinds of things. They do this to cover up and divert away from what they really are and cover up their insecurity.

The insecurity is that they are not good enough and people will not like, respect and want the real them. The answer is to become a more ethical, better, kinder and more capable person.

They are often also superficial because they cannot face their selfishness, the answer is to become less selfish.

You need to be fine with people looking at you. Let’s say you’re in the line getting coffee at a coffee shop, you have a right to be there, you have a right to take the time needed to put the milk in your coffee. You have a right to take the time needed to do things, turn to anyone push you.

You must be fine with people looking at you going down the street and so on, even let’s say if you are on stage with hundreds of people looking you.

How to appear classy

In definition times this just means someone has high status in society.

However a person can have achieved power and money, but still be viewed as a  not classy person because of have a look and behave.  This means they are looked down on by classy people, who also do not want to be with them.

Classy people have things and behave in a benevolent way.

Softness, refinement and non aggression

No sharp movements, in fact as few movements at all. Even when walking there is no swagger, as as smooth and as little movement as possible outside just walking. Sharp and large movements mean aggression and less refinement.

Each movement starts smoothly, ends smoothly, with no jerking inbetween. The start and stop are all completely smooth with no jerks anywhere.

This also makes everything look easy and effortless.

Body movements controlled and organised so not all over the place.

Jokes in movement also make things appear uncontrolled.


All hair combed neetly in place, clothes are new so materials not shaggy and falling apart .

Giving and service

Classy people have a sense of morality, doing the right thing.

Avoid ‘I want’ both in word, deed and feeling. This is a dark selfish hard hole of wanting to suck things in and is not classy.

Doing things properly

They speak words fully and do things properly.

Doing things slowly and quietly

As somebody who is high class has everything, they do not need to rush, panic and shout.

Everything can be done nicely, slowly, carefully, properly, quietly and with ease.

How to appear intelligent

When talking to people, they have certain things they can use to judge whether the person they are talking to is clever or stupid.

Speak clearly, enunciate words properly so that the sounds are as clear and easy to hear as possible.  Each sound is properly crafted so each part each word comes out with perfect clarity and precision.

Make it seem that you find it easy to get your words out, put sentences together well and express yourself as you are intelligent.

Movements should also be precise, accurate and well crafted .  If a person’s hands and other movements are all over the place, they appear stupid.  This is because their brain not able to properly control their body.

So big movements and sounds where a person cannot precisely control themselves properly, makes them look stupid.

Wise people listen, stupid people talk a lot.  Just by listening to what a person is saying, they presume you understand what they are saying and agree with them. So they think you are clever enough to understand what they are saying, even if you do not. Also as the other person thinks that what they think is correct, if you agree with they say, they also think you’re clever. 

Please also look at the section on body language and facial expressions.

Avoid saying stupid things 🙂

Other things

By speaking clearly, properly and fully enunciating the words, it is easier for a person to understand what you are saying.

They can hear, understand and process what the person is saying much better and more easily.

This is because they do not need so much mental effort to process what is being told to them. As a result the they can easily accept the information.

Know what is going on and can act appropriately

The world has lots of different and changing things all going on at once.

An intelligent person is aware of all these different and changing things going on.

It can be seen that there intelligent, because they are able to do things about and with all these different things going on

So for example when in a room with loads of different people and situations, they are able to be aware of, act and do things for all the different things going.

Whether it is different facial expressions to all the different people, solutions and contributions to the different things going on etc.