Psychological pain

A lot of pain comes from emotional trauma as a child. You repeat the pattern in different ways but it all comes from the same thing.

Invite the pain in, sit with it and ask it what you can learn from it. What does it want?

Make sure you don’t do a relationships just to get validation of yourself and escapism from yourself, as then you weren’t truly connecting with somebody and have intimacy.

Become aware of your psychological pain, this will help guide you through your life of knowing what you should be doing and what you shouldn’t be doing.

You may be doing something that on the physical level gives you pleasure, but if you look at your psyche it’s causing your pain.

This is a great way to know what you really should be doing.

How to not be depressed

People who are depressed often have very high expectations.

For example, when they have a baby everything will be amazing. However things are difficult and there are challenges, then they get depressed because everything is not amazing.

Maybe the person was brought up in a way where they given the expectations that everything in life will be amazing.

For example, the kids who grew up when their parents were massive celebrities thought life should be like that. The pop star who was massively famous and then like most fame it goes down, cannot cope with the loss.

You shouldn’t expect life to be awful and you shouldn’t expect everything to be terrible. That’s what the middle path is about, you go to middle way.

However having things for your own pleasure comes to an end and that is sadness. So it’s best just to have what you need and not just focus on what you want.

If you get things that you want or pleasure things that’s fine, but don’t be attached to them and you do that by just going after what you need.

If you’re a person who is always after massive happiness and excitement, like a roller coaster the lows will be lower as the highs are higher.

You should expect things to be impermanent because that’s what they are.

You get old and then you die. If you don’t expect any more than that then you should be fine.

People who don’t have much a happy because they don’t expect more.

If you get more then don’t get overly attached to it because it’s impermanent. Just have what you need and you have it for serving others.

A bit like eating food gives you energy which you use to serve others.


The highest highs, although they are glorious, don’t sustain themselves.

By comparison you drop to the lowest lows.

But by comparison, when you travel the even line down the middle of contentment, it rarely fails you.

High expectations

When people think that something they’re going to get will be amazingly fantastic and solve all their problems, they can only get depressed when they get it.

For example if people think having a baby or being famous will solve all their problems.

Whatever you have, you as a person are still there.

So you need to sort out how you are as a person, such as being balanced, not having too much attachment and so on.

Thinking of the past

Thinking of the past can be useful because it is an opportunity to analyse and go over previous issues and learn from them. Especially things in your childhood or formative years.

However be careful because doing so can make you sad and depressed because they’re all things that have gone.

That time has gone, those events have gone and probably those things have gone as well

Being with yourself

This is how you are with yourself, regardless of:

1, How you make yourself look to others, you can fake this

2, The job, friends, family and so on.

It is how you are when you are by yourself, even if 1 & 2 are gone. This is your core.

If you have done selfish things, being with yourself can be hard because you have to face the wrong you’ve done. You have to face your negative sides and problems.

You have to face yourself.

Date yourself, like you would if you’re looking for a romantic partner. This will help you to learn what you’re like.

Don’t run away from yourself.

Be content and happy being with yourself.

Be nice to yourself.

Listen to yourself, watch yourself, don’t just talk to yourself all the time. This is how you will learn what you’re about

Treat yourself the same way that you hope others would treat you.


People who desperately have to be with others, it’s often because they don’t want to face or be with themselves.

They don’t want to face the bad things they’ve done, so need to be looking at the outside world and others.

They may have such bad mental constructs that they put their negative energy into others which is why they need them around. They put their stress, worries, concern, and so on into others.

They may also not be very nice to themselves, they push themselves around and so on. For example if somebody came from a very ambitious upbringing, they might push themselves really hard to do things and not be nice to themselves.

To be ok being by yourself, you’ve got to be nice to yourself. Imagine how you treat others, and then think about if you treat yourself the same way.

The big one is to accept yourself and how you are.

The people who can be by themselves for long periods of time, are the people who have dated themselves. This means you see and learn about being with yourself, like you do when going on a date with someone and deciding if you want to be with that person.

They have faced themselves so they are fine with being in their own.

The people who have not faced themselves, have to face themselves when they are with themselves for long periods of time. They cannot cope with being by themselves for long periods of time.

The people who have dated themselves before and so been with themselves, can be alone for long periods of time as they have already faced themselves.

It does not matter if lots of people love you, if you don’t love yourself.

Think about how you would like others to be to you, and be like that to yourself. Be loving, kind, compassionate and so on.

Do not bully yourself to perform better and so on.

People often look at how they are to themselves, how they are to their subconscious. You also have to look at how your subconscious is to you, just like how when in a date, you look at how the person you are on the date with is to you

When things get difficult don’t be tough on yourself to push yourself harder, it makes it even harder to live with yourself and so you get even more lonely.

Some people who are lonely, it’s because they’re not nice to themselves. As a result they need other people to be nice to them. The answer is to love yourself and be nice to yourself. You have to capacity to heal yourself and be good to yourself.

Not cut off from others and yourself

In the same way that you can be in a room with lots of other people and still be alone, because psychologically you’re cut off them.

Maybe you’re scared so have your barriers up, are overly controlling to others, or other things that create barriers.

You can also be cut off from yourself and so feel alone, as you don’t have your own company. It can happen if you’ve been overly tough or controlling to yourself. You need to be soft and gentle to yourself to create a relationship with yourself.

Self worth

People who can’t cope with being by themselves, whether it’s being at home by themselves without the company of other people, having to be with friends all the time, or have to get into another romantic relationship. It’s because they don’t have any self-worth.

They need other people to validate them and show them that they’re okay. They need to have other people around to prove to themselves that they’re worthy. This is because by themselves they don’t have enough self-worth, to think they are worthy.

To not be lonely you have to be authentically yourself with others, otherwise they just have the fakeness which means you’re actually alone because it is not actually you with others.

If you can’t cope with being with yourself, how can you expect other people to also want to be with you?

There are people who can’t cope with being by themselves, it can be because they don’t like being with themselves.

They need the distractions and good energies of other people, because they can’t cope with their own and themselves.

However, how can you expect other people to want to be with you if you can’t be with yourself, because you don’t like yourself or feel comfortable with yourself.

So in the same way that you look at what’s needed for other people to want to be with you.

Have a look at what’s needed for you to want to be with you. This means you will look at your energies, thoughts, the things you say to yourself and so on.


When you are angry at somebody or something, you are the person that has anger.

However, having anger can hurt you as well as the other person.

Anger wants to destroy.

If you see someone biting their nails, biting their inner lip, wanting to hurt themselves such as self harm. People often think this is for stress relief, it’s actually that they have anger.

This anger is hurting themselves.

So having anger can be very bad for your health, because it attacks you as well.

That is why forgiving others is important, because it releases you from having anger.

Being nice to yourself

People who grow up in an environment of achievement and pushing yourself to achieve things, such as having parents who do that. Their formative years can make them have the habit of pushing themselves too hard as well.

The parents were too strict and the child ends up being too strict with themselves as well

The child may also have grown up in an environment where if they didn’t do something perfectly, then they will be punished. Maybe their parents high achievers and the child cannot achieve those levels, so feels like a failure.

People like this can be adults who push themselves too hard and also are not be nice to themselves. They think that if they push and force themselves, bully themselves to do things and so on. They thing this wil make themselves achieve more.

However they can be so nasty to themselves that they can’t concentrate, think or achieve anything.

These people will also be very sad and not happy with their own company, this is because they are not nice to themselves. Other people won’t want to be friendly with them as this is not nice to be around. Also if the person is not nice to themselves, they cannot truly be nice to others, as they are going through personal hell.

A person who is nice to themselves, giving themselves compassion and sympathy will like being with themselves, because they are nice to be with. Think of how you should be sympathetic, compassionate and give love to other people, you need to treat yourself in the same way.

A lot of how a person is stressed and so on is how they are to themselves. Maybe a person will be very stressed in all situations, because they are pushing themselves and not being nice to themselves

A way to understand this is think what it’s like for people when they’re running and doing exercise, they push themselves to keep going.

This is how a person is to themselves and demonstrates this separateness.

A person also needs to understand that they are themselves and their whole being is one.

In the same way you should be nice to others so they are comfortable, relaxed and able to perform better. You should be nice to yourself so you can perform better.

A person who is not nice themselves, is often desperate for other people to be nice to them. This is because they are not nice to themselves and so need it from others. If you are nice to yourself, you don’t need it so much that others are nice to you.

You are being nice to yourself, so you don’t need it from others so much.

If you are desperate for other people to be nice to you, this neediness is a taking thing that also is not nice for others to be around.

Getting respect

Stop trying to get the approval of people who like to disapprove of others, to get their approval you have to do things that you don’t agree with, or are not right for you.

Instead focus on people who inspire you to be great and do good things that are right.

Then focus on getting your own approval.


When a person pretends to do something or lies they do it excessively.

A person pretending to look at something, will do it so excessively it is like their eyes are popping out of their sockets. (Constantine Stanislavsky)

A person pretending to move will move with such exaggerated movements it does not look real.

A person who is lying, will talk about their story excessively, because they are trying to prove it to be true.   This is a good way to see that someone is lying, they talk excessively talk about their story, in such detail and for such a long time.   If it were true, they would feel no need to do this, or even bring it up and go over it all.

So the answer with acting is not to do it an a way that proves or on purpose shows it to anyone.

The only way to really do it is to do it for real.   for example look at the item for real and do things for real.   When doing something for show, it just looks silly.


The ability to concentrate makes a person very powerful.

Signs of real concentrating

If a person is concentrating on something properly, then all sorts of other things that they are not concentrating on can happen  and they will not even notice. An could be reading a book and they do not even notice an explosion.

How to concentrate

The first thing is not to be selfish. Being selfish means a person is led astray by whatever  things  appear that they may want. This can make them excessively scared in scary situations,  excessively excited in exciting situations that means they do not concentrate.

Emotions and feelings are essential, they are a person’s energy, what they use to feel on a psychological level etc.

However selfishness can make a person’s emotions  and  feelings so unbalanced in certain directions,  that it will be impossible to concentrate.   For example if someone is excessively excited  about a reward or scarred  of loosing something.


Diffusing an aggressive situation

To diffuse a person who is being aggressive, need to do the following.

If you are like these things, it will affect the other person.

By you being a certain way, it affects others.

•Act in reasonable way so they feel that, are effected by it and do the same.
•Have a relaxed, easy going and tolerant manner, like everything is fine and nothing to worry about.
•Remain calm

Listen to what they have to say. This is so they do not have to fight to be heard, you can empathise, be sympathetic and compassionate to their situation.

As you are on their side they will appreciate that. You are doing all you can for them.
Give them attention and so look them in the eye.

Be reasonable and say reasonable things.

This means that both parties do all they can to do the best.

By morality being there, people are influenced by it and do the best. By you being moral, it influences and effects others.

However angry and frustrated you are, must not act from that. Need to act from love and giving to others. That is what other people want and to receive, not your frustrations.

A temper is a luxury cannot afford. You are the one that calmly goes in there, points out that both sides want an agreement as they both have things can gain by getting from the other side. War will mean both sides get hurt.

They may be angry with the previous person they were talking to. By talking with you they can start again, there is no loss of pride from backing down as their argument was with a different person.

Responsibility and Risk

For a person to succeed they must take responsibility and risks.

Not being a sheep

By a person taking responsibility, they can do whatever they like as they fir pay making it, doing it and also for the consequences if they are wrong.

This means they do not have to do what others tell them, because they do not need their approval or resources to do it.

So they can do their ideas, views and actions. They are free.

If they want others to be responsible as they do not want to take the risk themselves, then they must do what others agree to.

Without taking responsibility and risks a person will need others to do so, or there will not be anything.

So the person ends letting other people take responsibility and for this is effectively done by doing what they are told by the person who takes responsibility. They also end up doing what everyone else does as then they are not responsible and they can claim that others are.

This may seem to be easy, comfortable and pleasant. However this is just going along with the average.

Also if a person does not take responsibility they have no control, as they have given that the person who takes responsibility.

The reality of the universe is bigger and greater than what people decide to do and whatever people decide to do, reality and the consequences will eventually catch up with them.

Being at the bottom of the hierarchy

This refers to who are the entrepreneurs and managers, compared to who are the workers.

The people at the top are the ones that take risks and responsibility. They are the ones that take the risk and hire the other people. So they are in control

On business they are capital and wealth as as they that take the risk. It is the people employed who get paid each month or week even if things succeed and fail. As a result they work and get the money from the owner who is the one that has taken the risk. The owner gets the profit.


So to be genuinely creative, need to be true to yourself and do what is right and not what other people do. To do this a person has to take responsibility for their choices and actions.

This means taking the risk in case they are wrong, as a person will only truly know once they have or are doing it.

Without risk they cannot be trying anything new and going beyond the limits of what they can already do.

Normally countries and things are created by a person taking responsibility. Then other people want to have it, control that person etc.


To be truly moral, a person has to take responsibility for themselves and their actions, without this they cannot know if they are doing the right thing.

Also otherwise they are doing what the average does and everybody else does. This is not necessarily doing the right thing.

Not doing routine, habits, and traditions

Doing what you did before, may seem safe, however it is not necessarily what works now, or even what was the best thing to do in the past.

Listen to your ideas, look at what is really going on. Also, things change and you need to be aware of that.