Social skills (talking)

When chatting with most people

To be successful chatting with other people, just be interested in the other person, listen to and watch them

They then think that they the are the ones talking, you are the one listening and so they feel they are the clever one and are in control.

People want to be noticed and acknowledged, they think about the clever things they have said and how they have been received. Not what other people have said.

Often they also want to compete and be the cleverest, funniest and so on person. If you compete with them and you are better than they are, they will feel different to you, inferior and hate you. If you are less good than them, they will not be able to relate to you and not find you interesting. So want to be as good as they are, to be a peer and a friend.

To be good socially, it is about letting the other person talk and acknowledging, respecting and having affection for how clever and brilliant they are.

If you talk about yourself, you are taking away from that and in relative terms they feel smaller.

When you get to that magic point where they are just talking about themselves and what they are interested in, then the other person will be happy and can go on and on, especially as they know about themselves and what they are interested in.

To help do this, you have to really listen to the other person to find out what they are really interested in, their passions and what makes them special. Then they can start talking about it and you can listen as you are interested. Also listening is important so that you can ask them questions to help this .

People are normally not interested in what other people have to say, such as for example what you have to say.  Unless it is things about what other people have done, which shows how crap other people are and so in relative terms makes them feel better about how they are.

When most people talk about themselves and what they have done,  it is normally to get attention and show how great they are.

If you just listen, do not say anything except ask questions because they think you are interested, impressed by them and what they have to say, people will think:

▪that you understand what they are saying, even if you do not.  The fact that you are listening will mean they presume you understand. If what they are saying is complicated, they will even be impressed that you understand.
▪that you agree with them, and so like you because they think you have the same views and opinions as them, even if you do not.

People like people who they think have the same views as them because they think they are the like them.   People hate and feel uncomfortable with people who they think have different views to them.

When chatting with advanced people

When chatting with an advanced person you will get the feeling that they are really genuinely interested in you. They are not talking about themselves and how great they are.

Advanced people want to learn, advance and progress. As a result they want to listen so that they can learn things and they know that them talking gets in the way of that. They want to listen to everybody, because even the biggest idiots every so often have something you can learn from.

Advanced people get what they need, do not go after more and do not want more. They need to be around other people, as humans are social animals who go crazy if we are by ourselves for too long. However they do not need to be the most respected and powerful so have no desire to talk a lot.

People tell other people things for power, they do this in a way that they are telling them or trying to persuade what to think or do.

People also want respect so they talk about how great they and their achievements are.

People also talk for attention.

Advanced people only need power, respect and attention if it is needed in the service of others.

Advanced people realise that as most people are normally blabbering things of little importance, only 1% of things need them to comment. Even then they can say it in one short sentence, because they understand what they are saying, so can put it presicely and consicely.

An example might be that a conversation on the colour of a jumper does not really matter, but a conversation on if some people are going to be honest with a good person does matter.

As other people want to do what they want to do and also like to have power The advanced person knows that the more times they use their influence by requesting for something different from what other people want, the more they are using up favours, so they know to only use that up when it matters.

Other things

To be social and people to like you, always talk quietly, speaking loudly is aggressive.

Speaking quietly is soft and lovely. People will like you for it.

A person may speak loudly because they want to use aggression to control the other person like giving aggressive orders to a dog. The recipient if this will not like this.

Being aggressive to get people to do things is not good, needs to be that you do things so they want to be with you.

Even when you do talk, make sure:
●the other person wants you to talk
●you are talking about what they are interested in and want to hear. Otherwise you are talking at someone, when as a companion you should be talking with them.