How to change and why it is hard


When you change, you have to give up the old way of doing things.

It is like:

-cutting out a part of yourself
-a part of yourself is dying
-giving up a child
-admitting that part of yourself is obsolete
-the humility that part of you is not petfect or right, which is harder to admit to yourself, than even to admit to others

It is very very hard.

The bits that need to go, want to be there, enjoy being there, will justify why they should be there, will not want to be kicked out, left behind and want to exist. They are having a home, a party and do not want to leave.

Even if the thing is bad, has caused a person trouble, or just is something they have outgrown and so need to leave behind, there is still a great sadness and loss when it goes.

Also you cannot know what something is truly like until you have done it, so it is repellent to people until after they have actually done it, or been there. It is like doing the unknown which is scary.

It is a risk and something as you have not experienced it. However even if you are sure it will work, the unknown and uncertainty is uncomfortable.

The ego likes routine, habits and traditions, changing and you feel unstable while you are making the transition.

You also feel like you do not exist, as the old thing going away, means the way you were doing was not permanent. So you realise that nothing below God is permanent as everything below God changes. So everything below God does not truly exist, as the universe itself is not permanent.  Only God is permanent.  The ego does not like this and will do all it can to regain control.

Especially hard are:

-Changing things things that you love having, but are no longer relevant to reality or a changing world.

-Things that affect your identity of how you see yourself.

-Also your identity of how others see you, especially if you are an extroverted person, or an ostentatious person that relies on this to ensure your own self worth as your own is so low.

The answer to change, is to focus in why it needs to be done and why it is is so hard.

The unknown

It is not possible to know what something is truly like, until one has done it oneself.

A bit like watching someone dive off high diving board, one cannot know what it is really like to do until one has done it oneself.

So to be able to change, one has to be able to face and become aware of the unknown.

The best remedy is to become aware of other people already doing these things, physically, their feelings, emotions, psyche, spirit and divinity. Really empathise with and be with them Then it is like you are one with them and become aware of what it is really like.

Momentum and inertia

The behaviour may be something the person has been doing for a long time, or all their lives life.

During this time the behaviour has been going along, building up speed, getting bigger. This is like a snowball building up more snow as it rolls down a hill, or a train building up to be bigger a bigger, getting more carriages and passengers as it goes along.

So if a person has been doing this behaviour for weeks, months, years, decades or even a lifetime it will be a huge thing.

It takes a huge amount of energy to divert or move such energy. For example to convert:
▪a huge amount of hate into love,
▪fear into courage
▪negative, bad, or useless behaviors into good ones

So it may take time, work and lots of energy to do this immense task.


It is actually possible to change instantly, in a second. Once a person has made the absolute choice to change then their behaviour and ways will change. This is the power of will and choice which is the first step before any action happens.

However the person has to have absolutely chosen to do this, with of course the implications of that choice.

Routines and habits

The ego likes routines, habits, customs and traditions.

It sees them as easy, comfortable and can remain a sleep while doing them. It is seen as safe because that is what one has always done. In reality it is not safe, because things change and then you have not changed to be able to d with deal with them.

When changing, we actually feel unstable until a new habit or routine is found. So the best way is to make change itself, what one does as a person.

Even if a routine is bringing a person great pain, they will still want to stay doing that routine.

A person can have issues such as being fat, having headaches, being angry and other big problems. They can be constantly trying to find a solution.  In fact what caused the initial issue has gone, they no longer have the original cause of the problem. The only thing that remains is that they are stuck in the habit.

The aim is to discover all the good routines one has learned, get rid of useless ones and keep the good ones.

Routines are needed to do the basic everyday automatic things like to drive a car, then one watches these routines to change and sort them out if needed. It would be over the top for a person’s higher functions to be wasting their time on doing things like this all the time. If there is a problem with these basic things, then one wakes up and sorts out the more urgent and important situations. The higher parts of the mind then normally focuses on more important things.

How to change

Need to change how think, act and feel.

For example, just doing one of these will not be a real change, a person cannot just think about change, also has to do it.

There are three types of people, thinkers, feelers and action people.

For a thinking person, pondering and thinking about it is helpful and helps cause change, but to make it actually happen have to also concentrate on doing it in reality

The real world

A person can consider a situation and a talent, but it is only if the person is in that situation that they can really work on it and themselves.

A jewel thief has to be next to jewels to see and work on if they tempted to take them. Being in a room away from jewels does not mean anything for their real character.

It is good to meditate and ponder about not being tempted, but real world exposure is the only real world reality. However people often do not do this because they are scarred.

Comfortable with what done before

People are comfortable with what they have always done before. As they have done it before, they know it well.

They will continue with it even if it is something that has brought them great pain and suffering. They will also continue even if they know this thing is bringing them great pain and suffering.


Not changing is being restricted as locked on the old way and not changing.

When free to change is like being unlocked, the person is then free to do as they choose.

That freedom means can do anywhere and do anything.

This is huge as the universe, time and all the spiritual levels are so big.

Some people are scared by that and feel safer in their cage of habits and traditions.

Pride and Ego

Changing your mind

People who are intelligent and use their minds, change their mind, views and belief a lot.

As they go in a direction they find some or all of the things do not work, they see new things etc.

They are actually looking and thinking for what is real and true. Not just looking at ways to justify and prove that they are right and others are wring

If they have honesty and integrity, they will care about doing the correct thing. Also if they are clever and use their minds, they will realise that changing their mind is a sign of intelligence, they are actually using their mind.

However ego and pride, can mean they do not want to admit to having been wrong.

This may mean they do not want to admit themselves that they were wrong before, because of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment and heart break in front of themselves.

It can also be in front of others, because of the dishonour and disrespect from negative people saying they were wrong. People may think they look bad for being wrong. The desire to save face and not look bad, can be greater than the desire to make the right call. (Jason Fried & David Heinemeir Hanson book called Rework)

If the person says this in true modesty, they are thinking, looking and learn new things, so change their mind. Intelligent and benevolent should accept and respect that they have changed their mind. However negative people who do not do anything themselves, will use it as an excuse to put them down.

So lower things can stop a person from changing their mind, because they do not want to admit to having been wrong.

Of course the positive is that they hopefully have something better, they are moving learning and progressing.

To learn a person also has to appreciate that relative to the universe and reality, they know nothing. Without this they will never learn anything.


The ego wants to exist.

The way it does this is with routines, habits, customs and traditions.

The ego wants to keep these things going so it can exist.

Routines, habits, customs and traditions are a large part of what the ego is.

As people we need the ego to exist, but it must be kept in it’s place by the higher parts of ourselves, so it does not take over everything.

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